Fishing One Liners

Fishing joke

It doesn’t happen often, but now and again we’ll come across a fishing joke that we can’t stop thinking about. Having done a quick search on the Internet, we realised that there aren’t many pages showing decent fishing jokes, and those that do seem to care little about how good the jokes are. Sure, there are some good ones, but there’s a lot of junk too! We’ve created this page as a homage to funny fishing jokes only.

If you know of a one-liner that’s vaguely about fishing and that kicks other jokes into touch, drop us a line via our contact page and we’ll add it to the growing list (with a credit to you, of course!)…

Our favourite one-line fishing jokes

What is an eel’s favorite dance?
The conger

Two parrots sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other: “Can you smell fish?”

What do you call a fish without an eye?
A fsh

Why didn’t the prawn share his toys?
He was a little shellfish

What fish is a serial killer?
Jack the Kipper

What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head?
Ray

Why did the fish blush?
Because the sea weed

How do you avoid infection from biting insects?
Don’t bite them

Where does a fish keep his money?
In the river bank

Man: Is this river any good for fish?
Fisherman: It must be. I can’t get any of them to leave it

Why is a fish easy to weigh?…Because it has its own scales

I only fish on days that end in “Y”

Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish

Why did the fish blush?
Because he saw the boat’s bottom

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
Dam!

What are the fastest fish in the river?
The motorpike and side-carp

There was a big fight at the seafood restaurant. Three fish got battered

Why are fish so clever?
Because they swim in schools

What kind of money do fishermen make?
Net profits

Why do fish like worms?
Because they’re hooked on them

What’s the King of Russia’s favourite fish?
Tsardines

What fish can perform operations?
The sturgeon

What side of a fish has the most scales?
The outside

What TV game show do fish like best?
Name that tuna

Where do fish wash?
In a river basin

What fish can write books?
Salmon Rushdie

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut off its nose

What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?
“Your plaice or mine?”

What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!

What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather

What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird’s leg and a hand?…Birdsthigh fish fingers

Where do fish sleep?
In a river bed

After catching a speeder…
Policeman: “I’m sorry sir but do you know how fast you were going?!”
Speeder: “I was going the same speed as everyone else!”
Policeman: “Ever go fishing?”
Man: “Yeah…”
Policeman: “Ever catch ALL the fish?”

Where did Noah keep his fish?
A multi-storey carp ark

Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna

What fish do you need when it freezes?
Skate

Have you noticed how all fish seem to be called Bob?

What is the fastest fish in the sea?
The one that got away

Have you got a fishing joke to share? Add it as a comment below!!

See the rest of our fishing jokes >>